just breathing. Not even thinking. A blank mind being fed, only with one breath after another. The mind learned to be gratified with the here and now.
Goals and objectives set in iron moulds. Of cramming in more and more – more feathers in the cap, more pennies in the kitty, more contacts in the network. Endlessly chasing bylines and deadlines. Not stopping to catch a breath. Unmindful of evaporating moments; the mad rush; the neurosis. With the certainty that we can determine tomorrow’s destiny. The unceasing stirrings of the heart for all that is exponential. Disappointments aplenty from failed passions. Disenchantments in equal measure from things acquired. Until the world, our world came to a standstill, literally. All privileges, taken for granted, failed us miserably. All sources of sustenance, religion, education, medical science, money power, power of connections, the political machinery. And how ironical that time, which used to be measured in terms of personal life events, is now being measured in terms of pre-pandemic times and post-pandemic (which although is not entirely in sight).
The calming azure gave way to the blazing reds that tore through the carefully, laboriously knitted tapestry of routine and certainty.
It’s been more than a year since I shut the front door of my house! Fear, anxiety, despondency, frustration managed to squeeze through, nevertheless. The virus didn’t make it through, fortunately. Mental space began to get hazy with incessant onslaught of thoughts of every hue and colour. The calming azure gave way to the blazing reds that tore through the carefully, laboriously knitted tapestry of routine and certainty. The anchors that I had found, built, safeguarded, took refuge in, gave way.
Through these tumultuous months, a rusty door, squeaked and opened. And through it emerged a beam of compulsion. A compulsion to find an anchor within, a center of constancy, elusive, yet visible in glimpses. Capturing and safeguarding this constancy within, despite the tumult outside, has become the most important venture yet.
My little garden then became my sanctuary. In nourishing my plants, I nourished myself.
The mind learned to be gratified with the here and now.
This second lockdown, I feel better equipped to handle. From resisting to letting things take their own course. To lay low and wait for better tidings. Knowing from within, that this too shall pass. My little garden then became my sanctuary. In nourishing my plants, I nourished myself. The profusion of yellow bell brightened my day. I lingered near the jasmine for a longer, deeper breath of its heady scent; the occasional butterfly kept my eyes darting from flower to flower. I welcomed another guest; I let him nap on my lap as he purred and mewed. The evenings, I welcomed with open arms. The soothing breeze and the open skies, set my heart free from the claustrophobia. In anticipation of the customary evening phone calls with friends and dear ones, I breezed through the day. What a luxury! Star gazing and moonlight dinners on the terrace gave immense joy; bringing along bouts of childhood nostalgia of watching the stars, tucked in my father’s lap. Sometimes, just breathing. Not even thinking. A blank mind being fed, only with one breath after another. The mind learned to be gratified with the here and now.
Let’s weave a cape of hope, despite the bleakness, in the knowledge that we will survive. The indomitable human spirit will triumph.
I look forward to continue all my pursuits, like in the pre-pandemic days. But perhaps with a little more humility, in the knowledge that there are forces that can render me, all of us, insignificant. A huge rehashing of my priority list, giving more room for emotions, sentiments, bonds and acts of love and care; and to spare a thought, for the ones less privileged or in need. The moulds, more flexible, to easily change contours, to be more accommodative of the people that matter. For after all, what’s more precious than life itself?
Let’s weave a cape of hope, despite the bleakness, in the knowledge that we will survive. The indomitable human spirit will triumph.
Gratitude, kindness and prayers in big measure to heal ourselves and the world.
Shubha Srikanth is a Communicatiin Consultant. She writes on art, literature and culturE. Currently, she leads as Editor of AVENTURE, a premiere magazine published by Jain University.
shubha_srikanth@yahoo.com
Beautifully narrated thoughts , so connectable . I could visualise every small act and feel the intensity of air around . Slowly as u settled it was a sigh of relief …..as I too had gone through the same .
Loved it Shubha ….keep writing nd sharing ur thoughts .
Just went thro your prolific description of those in-pandemic days and their effects on each one of us. So well expressed Shubha. Could touch and feel every single thought passing from your mind to the pen and on to paper. Keep writing and sharing with us. Looking forward to many more of your writings.